Life Lessons

Important lessons I've learned from The Secret Life of the American Teenager, from ABC Family...

1. If you have sex before you get married, your father will die. Immediately. And, moreover, the better the sex, the more tragic and horrible the death will die. Good sex = plane crash. That's what happened to Grace. And she was religious. Also, for the rest of your life, you will have to live not only with the knowledge that you killed your father through sex, but also that he was mad at you when he went down in the fiery crash.

2. If you have sex, even with sixty forms of protection, you will get pregnant. No matter what. That's what happened to Amy. And her mother.

3. If you have sex with enough random people, there's a good chance that one of them will end up being your step- or half-brother. That's what happened to Adrien.

Ok, that's all I've learned so far. But I'm going to have to keep watching.

Prioritizing Your Trial Preparation

"Listen. I don't care if you want to send me on a wild goose chase, looking for some kind of alibi that doesn't exist. If you want me to go here and there, looking for places that might have you on video, looking for proof that doesn't exist. I don't mind.

But remember, I only have so much time to spend on any one case. And if you want me to waste yours searching for your fictional alibi witnesses, that's fine. Like I said, no problem for me. Being out in the field is sometimes more fun that being in the office, prepping a case for trial.

But those hours spent are hours I'm not spending researching potential legal issues in your case, or coming up with a... what do you call that... defense. You know, things that might actually help you, unlike pointlessly sending me on a train up and down town all day.

But that's your decision. You let me know."

To which my client said...

"Uh huh. I just thought of another place I coulda been. Write this down, you can subpoena the video..."