To be clear, I thought the host was wrong to say "oh well, I cooked with meat, but it's ok because he's an overweight vegetarian." And I think anyone has the right to eat (or not eat) whatever they choose. But, when you make a point of changing everyone else's meal to meet your wishes or needs, I think it's fair to assume you might open yourself up to their questions or concerns. And I think that it might be better to be open to answering questions that to have people make false assumptions about you or your motives.
I just thought it would have been more fair for the host to ask why the guest was vegetarian than to assume he was a hypocrite because of his weight. I thought she was wrong to assume he was a hypocrite. I don't see how that's judgmental of me.
Truly, I don't have any problem with anyone choosing to be a vegetarian. And I'll admit that I am bothered by the many vegetarians that I'm exposed to that are so preachy about their vegetarianism. Or, to be fair, maybe I only notice the preachy ones more because they are so outspoken. So, if there's a quiet go-with-the-flow vegetarian out there, good for you, eat what you want.
I guess it's hard for me to swallow (bad pun) because I was raised that if you are invited to someone's home for dinner, you do your best to eat what is put in front of you, short of maybe life-threatening allergies. I think asking your dinner host to change the entree to make it vegetarian (thereby effecting someone else and maybe many other people) is different from choosing a vegetarian entree in a restaurant or choosing not to buy meat at the supermarket (effecting only yourself). And I think it's different from asking that they leave the honey off the top of a dessert too. (Without knowing the recipe, I imagine that the honey could be left off only your dish and everyone else can enjoy their honey. If not, one could always skip dessert, it would be less awkward than sitting through the main course while everyone else eats.) I guess it's better to ask ahead than to show up for dinner and not eating anything but the salad (depending on what, if any, side dishes are offered), but maybe the way I raised has something to do with it. As a child, I politely swallowed many a brussel sprout, despite my wishes.
Which, I guess, vegetarians would argue, is different. I understand that, to some, there is a difference between my "dislike" of brussel sprouts and a vegetarian's "decision" not to eat meat. I don't know if I agree with the comparison of a vegetarian house guest to a Jew/Muslim who requests a Kosher/Halal meal. I guess, for me at least, that might I keep coming back to why the vegetarian is a vegetarian. I mean, in 7th grade I was a "vegetarian" but I certainly I don't think I was in any position to say "By the way, Mom, let grandma know she needs to cook a special vegetarian dinner for me." I could maybe eat an extra serving of salad and skipped the entree. But I certainly don't think my vegetarianism was the same as a Jew's request for a Kosher meal.
My post began because I was questioning the host's behavior, I thought she was wrong to be judgmental of the vegetarian. But I guess by admitting that I do sometimes wonder what is behind a vegetarian's decision, whether it's a fad for them like it was for me, or whether they have some commitment to it, I exposed myself as judgmental - if you think having questions is the same as being judgmental. Finally, then, I was judged by the vegetarians who left comments. So, I guess judgment is something that is going around.