50 Cent Regret

I had a weird dream the other night. I dreamt I was on some kind of game show. And, at the end, somehow, I had to choose between my current boyfriend or 50 Cent.

And I don't know why, but I chose 50 Cent. And I immediately regretted it. I just kept saying, "Wait, I didn't want to," "I changed my mind," and "Where's my boyfriend?"

And I was so upset.

I actually woke up upset. Instead of waking up thinking, "Wow, that was a weird dream," I was thinking, "That was horrible. Why did I do that?"

I was still thinking about it even as I showered, even as I got dressed. And I kept thinking, "Why is this weird dream upsetting me so much?"

Then it came to me, all of the sudden: I had chosen something new and flashy over something I knew and loved. And I had regretted it.

Now I'm just trying to stay optimistic that this was just some weird dream, and not a comment on my new job choice. I thought about trying to take back my resignation letter, but I feel like I need to go forward with this, just to see what happens.

“Never regret. If it's good, it's wonderful. If it's bad, it's experience.” -Victoria Holt


  1. Being your own boss means never having to ask "the administration" if you can/should declare a conflict. It's your ticket, your conscience, your choice. Also, remember all those people who asked you if you could represent them (and you know they didn't have the $$ to hire a private attorney?) You can now help them. Be careful, of course, because your little public defender heart is and probably always will be mushy and soft, and you can spend all your time not getting paid. But you will have a whole new world. And you can always go back to public defender work if you like. You will do well (and have fun too!) Best wishes. You are more informed about justice than most ever will be.

  2. Blondie, been there, done that. When I left Legal Aid I wanted to go into private practice. My friend left with me. He didn't want to stop being a LAS lawyer, he wanted to not work for our LAS. I was happy as a lark, he was miserable. We made so much money those months
    but it didn't help. So he went to another LAS and is still there and happy.
    I stayed private but I joined a bigger firm after a few years. HATED IT. Learned a lot, but I hated it. I stayed about 2 years, took my knowledge and threw in with some other guys. That was fun but now that I am "the" boss again. I am loving it so much more.
    The important thing is that I learned a lot of things along the way and always took them to my next destination.

    In your new job, you will apply all that you learned at LAS, and you will learn to market a business, and manage others. You may find the time to write and maybe even teach. You will see new management styles and determine what you think works and what doesn't.

    If in the end, it isn't for you, you can go somewhere else. (Think about Long Island...) Just give it a chance. Your skills as a blogger show your ability to touch others and affect them. Those skills will serve you well in your next spot.

    Good luck.

  3. Of course you have some anxiety over making a big change, but it doesn't mean it's not the right decision. Good luck!

  4. did you tell your boyfriend about your dream?
    i'd want to know if my gf had that dream...