Blonde Justice On... Free Stuff

You really can't beat free stuff. And in the last few days, I've come into a lot of it.

Saturday morning, in a parking lot near my home, there was a little neighborhood flea market. I scored free basil from someone who had apparently grown too much of it. (And, no, it wasn't "free with purchase," because that's not really free.)

On my way home from the free basil expedition, I picked up a little abandoned wicker basket from the ground. I have plans to do something really cute and Eastery with it next spring.

Saturday night, a friend had concert tickets she couldn't use. I got to see an excellent concert for free. (No, I can't tell you who, because then you'll google it to see what town he, she or they were in, and you'd have me all figured out. Unless I'm really writing this about a few Saturdays ago, in which case I would have tricked you. But I'm not, it was this past Saturday, 2 days ago, so I'd better not say more.)

Sunday morning, I drove past a sign for a yard sale. I pulled over, and there were 2 big signs on the lawn. One read "Everything Free" and the other read "All Free." I took a new spatula and a pretty blue little... gravy thing, I guess. Or tiny pitcher. Or something.

Who the heck just fills their lawn with free stuff? Those people, I guess.

It's too bad I don't know anyone who would want a bunch of free Cabbage Patch Kids, because there was a whole trash bag full of them. Just think, those things used to be so valuable. And, I thought this was cute, the first Cabbage Patch Kid I pulled out of the bag was naked, and a little girl who had written her name ("KELLY") on the kid's backside. And, what was funny about it is, I get it, because those kids come with a signature on their bum, which kind of makes you think "Wait, I'm supposed to write my name on the kid's butt?"

Then, Sunday afternoon, I saw my mother, who must think that I'm incapable of food shopping and preparation (and she's probably right), so she gave me bags of food, most of which was already prepared. It doesn't get much better than that. Today I packed a lunch of free food, including an afternoon snack of free food, and tonight I came home from work and enjoyed some delicious home-cooked food, all without cooking. (Although I did have to microwave a little bit. But that's not really cooking. And stir. But that's not cooking either.)

Sunday afternoon, I almost got a free only-slightly-used car, because I came across one in a parking lot with the keys stuck in the door, but I decided to follow the advice I always give to my clients - "If it looks too good to be true, it probably is."

I also thought about doing a god deed - taking the key, opening the door, and dropping the key under the floor mat or something, but, call me paranoid, I thought the car owner might come along and see me reaching in his car and have me arrested. And, even if that didn't happen, he might be pissed to be locked out of his car... and then get the police to fingerprint the door and then have me arrested. Or maybe he wanted his car stolen, for insurance or something. I guess I also followed the other advice I give my clients, "Sometimes you have to just mind your own business if you want to stay out of trouble."

And then, tonight, I was out for a walk when I came across a whole shoebox of abandoned CDs. That's right, abandoned. (At least, that's the legal conclusion I drew.) I decided that since the CD cases were a little bit sticky and some of the cases were actually empty, and, judging by the accompanying pile of trash, the whole thing appeared to have been thrown out by someone who recently was either a dump-er or dump-ee, that it didn't fit the "good to be true" category. I didn't want to crouch there in the dark too long, digging through the CDs (because that seemed like a Law & Order opening scene waiting to happen), but I did grab a free Billie Holiday CD.

Really, what's better than free stuff?


  1. Almost nothing is better than free stuff.

    You should read this article from Life Hacker about getting free stuff from Companies.

    "Don't Trash Broken Stuff; Send It Back." by Stewart Rutledge

    I got a free gift certificate from an underwear store after I sent back some linty pantyhose that I had accidentally thrown into the wash with my towels.

    Such fun!

  2. Yay for free stuff! The owners of the yard probably had a yard sale on Saturday, and the stuff you found on Sunday was the remains that they decided they would just give away (and then throw out whatever's left on Monday).

    If your little pitcher is longer than it is tall, it probably started its life as a gravy boat. If it is taller than it is wide, or round with fairly even proportions, it's probably a cream pitcher.

  3. Free is the best! Yay, free stuff!

    I had a free entertainment week earlier this month. I got four free tickets to the final game of the season -- the Nats/Mets game (bonus: Frank R. retirement speech, what a class act!) and then two tix to 12 Angry Men featuring John Boy Walton and Norm! (from Cheers). What an excellent production.

    And free! Both in one week! Yay.

  4. In my city (Stockton CA) your almost-free car would almost certainly have been a "bait-car," courtesy of the Stockton Police Dept. They are also equipped with video/tape recorders, which almost always record my clients hootin' and hollerin' about the joys of "free" stuff.

  5. Losing five pounds without even trying might be better than free stuff.

    I reckon.

    Unless the free stuff is mom's chilli. In which case....

  6. I love those bait car videos. We get plenty here (Modesto, CA--auto theft capital of America).
    I especially like the ones where they are doing meth during the two minutes it takes the cops to catch up with them. Reminds me of "Repo Man."

    Free video rentals. Comedy.