Never Have Children

The following is an actual conversation that I actually overheard while shopping for a dress on Saturday evening.

The woman next to me answers her cell phone and says:


I'm shopping. Why?

Yes, Stephen, of course I love you. Is everything okay?

Are you alright?

(long silence)

No. Absolutely not.

No, you are absolutely not having a girl sleep over our house.

What does her mother say about this? I'm sure her mother doesn't want her sleeping at a boy's house.

No, Stephen, absolutely not. I will not lie to that girl's mother.

Stephen, tell me the truth... have you been lying to me when you tell me where you've been sleeping. Tell me the truth.

(By this point, I was riveted. This was better than any soap opera, and it was unfolding before me right in front of me in the formal wear section!)

Stephen! I cannot believe you! How could you lie to me like this?

Wait a minute. Now you're talking about you, and him, and those two girls? What is that, your girlfriend and his girlfriend?

No, I don't care if you sleep in the living room!

Stephen, do you really think I'm trying to be cool for a bunch of teenagers?

Me? I'm sleeping in bed with my husband.

You can try asking your step-father, but he was in a bad mood when I left. That's why I went shopping in the first place.

No! No, don't even call him! Stephen, you cannot stay at your father's! Absolutely Not!

Stephen? Stephen? Hello, Stephen?


  1. Ouch.

    I'm raising my kids to have some sense and hopefully by setting a good example I won't be having any converstaions like that.

    I hope.

  2. This reminds me of the article "toxic parents" that I found on Angry Pregnant Lawyer's website. Jesus, kid's today!

  3. My tubes just spontaneously tied themselves.

  4. I didn't realize you lived in Laguna Beach.

  5. Hillarious. Although, I'll admit, I got into a HEATED debate about co-ed sleepovers with my parents when I was a junior in high school and truly believed that they were being the world's most unreasonable people for refusing to allow it. Of course now I thank them.

  6. pseudostoops: When we were young, we always thought that parents were the most idiotic people in the world. Now, we thank them for being "unreasonable", "old-fashioned", "ridiculous" and "controlling". If half of the parents today acted that way, we wouldn't have problems with teens the way we have now.