Teahouseblossom has her own problems with Starbucks, but the thing that really bothers me is when they ask for my name.
Um, I don't even know you. And I certainly don't think we've worked our way up to shouting-out-each-others'-names status. Am I the only one who feels a little uncomfortable with this? Maybe it's the anonymous-online-persona thing, but I feel like my real name is... personal. I know I put it on the record in the courtroom ten times a day. I know I use it to introduce myself to total strangers who have been accused of committing crimes. But, I still don't want it shouted out in a crowded coffee shop.
Lately I've been coming up with fake names. It started out with me just using other nice female names. (When I was a kid, I thought the most fun part of playing "house" was coming up with my new name.) I wondered when they would confront me, "Hey, didn't you come in here yesterday morning, order the same thing, and give a different name?" But they never did.
Then, I decided it would be funny to give them the name that is on their own name tag. But it seemed like they never really noticed. None of them had such a unique name that they'd stop and look up at me and say, "Wow, I never thought I'd meet another woman named 'Orangina-tangerina,' what are the chances?"
So, now I've just been getting crazier and crazier with my name selections. I particularly like to use celebrity names. And the baristas will shout at "Cafe Mocha for Snoop Dogg" without ever batting an eye.
It reminds me a little bit, though, of my clients choosing their aliases. Sometimes I'm just looking around the Starbucks, stumped for a name, and end up with something like, "Um... Cash Register? Uh, yeah, Cash. That's it, Cash."
And you wonder how my clients end up with names like "Desk Chair Jones?"
Or, sometimes, if the drink takes particularly long to make, I end up falling into another pitfall that my clients also fall into... Forgetting my alias.
Five minutes later, I'm still standing at the counter when I finally mention, "Um, I'm waiting on a Half-Caf Soy Latte?"
"What's the name?"
"Here's one for Beyonce. Is that you?"
"Uh... um... yeah, I'll take it."
But I suppose that's better than sitting in a jail pen all day, waiting for a lawyer, and not realizing my lawyer has been calling out the name that I made up hours earlier and have completely forgotten.
"Sorry, Judge, but Curtains Floor Smith isn't back there."