Legal Advice from Lil' Kim

A friend informed me the other day that rapper Lil' Kim had been released from prison.

"Good," I said. "I hope she writes a song about it."

I even tried to come up with some possible lyrics:

Went to trial, against my lawyers' advice,
Next time I know I better think twice.

A little research reveals that she's already addressed the issue in a song:

Coulda copped out to a one to three do
Still took it to trial, even though I blew
Brooklyn style, that's how we do it
ill gangsters and ain't got to prove it

Ok, seriously, is this why all my clients with the worst cases want to go to trial? And what would your legal advice be - if you had to put it in rap lyric format?


  1. You're talkin' justice,
    But you know that's whack.
    You did the thing
    No takin' back.

    Of course it's true,
    Nuttin' wrong trial,
    But your attorney,
    she's been around awhile.

    Listen to that suit,
    She knows what's real.
    Sometimes it better
    to take the deal.

  2. Is it any coincidence that L'il Kim got out of jail and Kim Jong Il started to fire off missiles the next day? Celebration of a fellow Kim's release? A jealous attempt to remind her what real street cred means? (even a crude 10-kiloton fission device trumps a Glock any day) We may never know.

  3. The pohleece - they say you guilty,
    That you capped that lil boy.
    The D.A.'s offrin 5 to 10,
    That offer'll go away.
    I knows my bizness very well,
    At trial, you'll go down.
    Twelve peoples gonna look at you,
    And judge you by your brown.
    I know you is thinkin O.J.,
    That's total hollywood.
    Mark every word I's telling you,
    You take the deal today.