Went to a party last Saturday night...

A little dinner party.

Before the party, I put some thought into coming up with an alternate career for the night. But, since I know the host through law school, I thought it might be hard to pull off. I also thought about coming up with another term for my job...

You know, like how garbagemen are now "sanitation engineers," and hairdressers are now "aesthetic assistants," or some crap? I thought maybe if I could make my job title confusing enough, no one would ask me any questions.

I tried to make up something like "case manager for a non-profit" or something... but, no, that would only lead to "What kind of non-profit?" and, then, I'd have to admit what I do and it would probably just make me look like a liar for saying "case manager."

But, as luck would have it, the man I ended up sitting next to never really asked me about my job. Instead, we chatted for a while about his job. He's a stockbroker or investment banker or something. We talked and talked about stock tips, my (non-existent) portfolio, my (nearly-non-existent)retirement fund, and my parents' portfolio.

After a while, I started to feel guilty. I knew I was doing to him exactly what I wanted to avoid.

So, I 'fessed up.

"Ok, I feel bad. I'm a criminal defense lawyer. If you have a cousin that got arrested that you want to ask me about, go ahead."

"No, not really."

"Well, ok, a friend? You? Do you have a case you want to talk about?"

"No, no one I know has been arrested."

"Well, do you want to give me a hypothetical? Ask me if you could get arrested for doing something? Maybe you could ask me about a celebrity's criminal case? Something well publicized?"

"No, that's ok."

And, finally, I felt guilty about not revealing my true identity. But I did get some good stock tips out of the deal.


  1. I say I am a counselor all the time. It's true and to the extent that we counsel the drug dependent etc, it is enough to put most people on another topic.

  2. Does that mean that you have a secret identity as case manager for a non-profit, but when you need ot save the day, you reveal yourself as Blonde Justice?

  3. Counselor. I like that.

    After all, that's what most of the court officers call me.