Merry Christmas!

There's this woman at my church who sings horribly.

Not that I should say anything, because I'm not exactly the world's greatest singer either. That's like the porcelain calling the enamel white. (How about that one? Do we like that one? I still feel like I can do better.)

But the thing is, she sings really loudly. Very loudly. The-whole-church-can-hear-her loudly. I have to avoid sitting anywhere near her because it will throw my almost-on-key singing off completely.

I was never quite able to figure out whether she doesn't realize how terrible she sounds, or maybe she just gets so into the music that she doesn't care. But then she joined the choir - which made me figure that she just doesn't know. The poor choir director. Just imagine.

But it gets worse. This year, she has taken it upon herself to organize a trip to the local jail to sing Christmas carols for the inmates.

There are just so many jokes to be made here... My mind is on overload... Help me out here, people...

"...Captive audience..."

"...Cruel and Unusual Punishment..."

"...John McCain and the torture bill..."


Ultimately, though, I feel like maybe I have some responsibility to do something. My clients will be the victims here. Maybe I should see if I could get my office to take some action. At least warn our clients.

I keep thinking that I should send my jail clients Christmas cards, that read, "May your holidays be merry, and may your ears not bleed too much!" Probably too late for that.

Luckily for them, though, many of my clients have recently converted to Islam. And after her holiday concert, the rest will soon be headed for that conversion too, I suspect.

1 comment:

  1. Hi BJ,

    This lady reminds me of Garrison Keillor's great line, "And unto many The Lord has given the gift of music - though not to as many as think so."

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