Earplugs Recommended

I know this woman. And she has the most annoying voice.

I'm not being mean. Really, I'm not. It's just a fact.

If I were to say, "She makes Fran Drescher sound like a lullabye," that might be mean. But all I'm saying is that her voice is really really annoying. More annoying than Fran Drescher. And that's just a statement of fact.

It'd be really mean to say that her voice is worse than fingernails on a chalkboard and a car alarm, combined. So, I won't say that.

One of my friends summed it up when she said, "It always suprises me when she says something not dumb. I mean, usually, someone with that kind of voice, you expect even the content of their statements to be annoying and dumb. But with her, it's just that her voice is that bad."

So, imagine my surpise when I got an email stating that this woman - this woman of all people - will be performing a spoken word / poetry reading this weekend.

All I can hope is that maybe she recognizes her vocal tone and built it into her reading somehow. Maybe she wrote a poem about a cat being run over by a car. Because a poem about love or flowers or the sunset, just wouldn't be the same as read by her.

I'm sort of interested in seeing it... just to find out.


  1. Maybe she's secretly the author of the poem on my bus that I wrote about recently, the one about how a cat's butthole looks like an asterisk.

  2. Oh man, I would love to hear this...anyway you can record it to post somehow? Didn't think so...damn!