Interview With A Prosecutor

Over at Legally Blonde, our heroine finally had her interview with the Prosecutor's office.

I had previously warned her that they might ask her ethical questions and that the correct answer would always seem to be the exact opposite of what your Professional Resposibility teacher would choose. In fact, the correct answer is just "Whatever puts the most bad guys in jail for the longest time."

Anyway, it seems that the interviewer skipped the (un)ethical questions and, instead, went with a bunch of lame hypos. I suggest that we all take a turn telling her how she should have answered, if she really wanted to be a prosecutor.

Here are my suggestions:

1. The answer is "Jail." And jail for the wife for obstructing justice or perjury or something. And threaten to take away her kids if she doesn't like it. Also, are they here legally? Because, as a prosecutor, you also have a duty to make sure the immigration laws are being followed... Oh, don't worry, by now she's starting to see things my way, and she'll be happy to testify.

2. The answer is "Jail." Being old doesn't excuse you from the law. Being scared doesn't excuse you from the law. Jail, jail, jail. And some more jail.

And if any officer is ever mad at me, I'd stop by the station house with a box of donuts, and that'll solve that.

3. What do you mean "jail" isn't an acceptable answer? Ok, then it should've been, "I don't know, whatever gets the guy in jail sooner?"

Or, how about, "I'd exhume the body, and make her talk. And threaten her with jail if she refused to comply."

And then tell him, "Oh, and by the way, no officer is really dusting a car for prints, so get real, JERK!"

All kidding aside, it sounds like she held her own and, more importantly, probably came to the pretty valuable conclusion that she wouldn't want to work for those jerks anyway.


  1. heh that's funny but the right answer are indeed, charge 'em!!

  2. Wow! You'd sure be a scary prosecutor! Please don't change sides!

    By the way, in what city do the police investigate thefts from parked cars? I mean, taking paper is one thing, but actually investigating?

    Actually, Chicago has some form of CompStat crime statistics, meaning that every reported crime makes the cops look bad at the next review. The result is that the cops end up doing your job: When my jacket---with all my stuff in the pockets---was stolen off my chair in a bar because I stepped away for a couple minutes, I had to get a police report so I wouldn't get billed if the thieves used my cell phone. The cop who took the report insisted that this was a lost property report, not a theft, because I didn't actually see anyone take the jacket. Wouldn't it be cool for you if they said stuff like that in court?

  3. HAHAHA, thanks for the advice-but it's probably good I didn't know the real answers during my interview-they might have actually liked me then.

  4. Rule #1: Prosecutors do not care about wasting valuable time or money on weak cases. THERE ARE NO WEAK CASES. Blonde Justice had it right - the answer is jail.

  5. Huh. Maybe that's why I didn't get the job from the U.S. Attorney's Office. Silly me and my insistence on following criminal procedure/ethics.

  6. Actually, the answer is prison, not jail.