Lawyer Ads

I was recently out of town for a couple of nights, and one thing that surprised me, watching my hotel room television in this city, was the lawyer commercials. First, that there were so many. And second, that they all had rhymes!

I can't remember any of the commercials specifically, but this is generally how they went:

[Picture of someone tripping on a sidewalk, then in a wheelchair.] "Got hurt on the sidewalk? Call Mike Falk. [Phone number on screen.]"

[Picture of handcuffs.] "Got caught stealing? Call Jim Freeling."

[Picture of a car crash.] "Got hurt in a car? Call Tom Farr."

[Picture of an empty beer mug.] "Got hurt in a bar? Call Tom Farr." (Yes, that was the same guy.)

[Picture of guy, jumping out a bed, wrapping the sheet around his waist, and a woman in the bed, saying, "It's not what you think!"] "Caught your neighbor in your bed? Call Bob Alfred."

Ok, I totally made up that last one. But you get the point.

And, I just keep picturing the career service office at the local law school. Next week's seminar: Discovering what field you can go into, based on your rhyme-ability.

Man, I feel bad for the law school class valedictorian, Ivan Stanislawski. "I wanted to go into solo practice, but there was just no way for me to make the local mandatory rhyming commercial!"


  1. I met a personal injury lawyer during a poker game who said his slogan was: "slip and fall, give us a call."

  2. Dang, that sounds much more interesting than the slogans in my town:

    "Turning Wrongs into Rights"

    "We get results"

    "I slay dragons for you" (yep, it's real--but only found in the telephone book)

    These firms get plenty of air time at the annual bar holiday party roast, however.

  3. Came over here from "The Fish," and liked what I saw. Drop by sometime and have a chat.

  4. I am posting my comment here because I refuse to give "blog blot" any further traffic then he deserves.

    But YAY for you - that was a wicked comment you left on his blog, and I'm happy to see that it's kept him quiet - at least for a bit. I realize he's just a troll, but nonetheless, it still sucks when someone is that rude and bitter!

  5. I was working for a legal magazine earlier this year that got its advertising revenue from the "ambulance chaser" set. I don't recall any rhyming slogans, but they were big on the corny nicknames. As in, "The Alabama Slammer" and "The Texas Hammer."

  6. p.s. to Nicole: don't feel bad about that blogbot azzhole. He wrote a post about me a few weeks ago too. He's just jealous...

  7. Sorry, Nicole, it took me a while and I just figured out what you were talking about. It was actually Legally Blonde who jumped in there with a great response. I don't know that I would give that asshole the time of day.

    And thanks to Kim for helping me for figuring out what was going on. Although maybe I would have been happier not knowing that there are jerks like this out there.

  8. I work for a criminal defense law firm and our "informal" slogan, that is, not something we put on ads, is "(John Doe) gets you off." Ideally, we'd have clients saying this in a TV ad (say, attractive female clients scantilly clothed) saying, "John Doe Got me off...good!" or "John Doe got me off...quick!" or "John Doe Got Me Off...real good."

  9. I was trying to think of what rhymed with "Justice" (if that that is your real name), and couldn't help but remember ...

    When I was a sophomore in high school, we'd just gotten Channel 1. For those of you who didn't come from budget-crunched public schools, Channel 1 was (still is, I suppose) a news program for kids that aired every day during school. The folks over at Channel 1 paid to install a TV in every classroom, and, in exchange, the school aired their show, including two ad breaks (Doritos, anyone?) during homeroom every day. It was new when I was in school, and kind of controversial because of the advertising. Which seems so quaint now. Today's public school students go to HiFi Buys Elementary School at BellSouth Park, and take the First Baptist Church Biology Class. Shilling pie for free TVs was ... cute, really.

    Anyway ... to fulfill our day's assignment, we had to watch every day, jot down one Thing We Learned (aside from "Crystal Pepsi is rad!"), and turn it in during Social Studies. Or, just ask the kid next to you in Social Studies right before the bell rung. Guess which kid I was.

    So one day, Thurgood Marshall died. Channel 1 did a nice piece on him; talked about what his work for civil rights, groundbreaking arguments in Brown, and ultimate appointment and decades of service on the United States Supreme Court.

    An hour later, I'm in class, and the kid next to me asks "What was the name of that judge who died?"

    I told him.

    He said "Oh, that's right. I could only remember his nickname."


    "Yeah," he said. "He was such a good judge, that everyone just called him ... Justice."

    I swear to God. Thurgood "Justice" Marshall.