"I Can't Please To Wait A Woman"

So, it turns out that Sunday night is not a good time to call D.A.s, so I'm back, and I'm rewriting my little Weekend Update. But, I can promise you, it was much more interesting the first time around.

I went to see two movies this weekend: Red Eye and March of the Penguins. So, my weekend update is basically, now, two movie mentions and a few other things.

First, if you own or operate a Mexican restaurant... Well, any bar or restaurant actually, but especially a Mexican restaurant, you should be required by law to have working bathrooms. If you have a customer who comes in, eats some Mexican food, maybe drinks some margaritas, and then goes to the women's room, and finds that it is "out of order," and then gets her boyfriend to stand guard so that she can go into the men's room, and then she goes to the bathroom in the men's room, and, it turns out, that toilet is broken too, and doesn't flush, well, that's just your problem, isn't it? Not to be too graphic, of course.

"How can a Mexican restaurant not have a working bathroom? I mean, a Mexican restaurant of all things?"
"Um, maybe because they wanted it to seem more like Mexico?"

Moving on to the movies...

Red Eye. Don't worry, I won't be giving anything away here. I wasn't planning on seeing it, but I saw this little review on Slate, and I figured it was worth checking out. It was your typical thriller, nothing too deep. It was a little scary, but not so scary that you'll have nightmares or anything. And if I could give one piece of advice about seeing this movie?

If at all possible, try to see it in a packed theater, full of people who are more likely to be boisterous. Maybe teenagers. You know a theater like that? Generally, I'd prefer to be the only person in the theater, but this is one where it will be more fun if everyone around you gasps or screams when something scary happens, or cheers when something happens to the bad guy.

Oh, and you know who was in it? Colby from Survivor. I can't find it on IMDB, but I'm pretty positive that was him. Also, I'm a much bigger fan of Rachel McAdams now. She kicks ass. Therefore, I've decided that she is also a contender for playing me in the movie or television version of my life.

And now, March of the Penguins. Yes, I might give some things away here. It's not like it's a plotline with a lot of twists or anything, but if you're the type of person who likes to go into a movie knowing nothing about it, then you'll want to skip about 5 paragraphs ahead.

I loved this movie. I laughed, I cried. Yes, that's right, I cried. Wanna make something of it? Now, granted, I am the kind of person who cries during telephone company commercials... but I'm willing to bet that I'm not the only person to cry at this movie.

You know, back when I was a kid, we had to write book reports. One essential part of the book report standard format was a part called "Recommendation," or something like that. You were supposed to say what kind of audience you think would like this book. It was kind of a waste though, because generally, if a kid liked the book, they'd write "Everyone!" and if the didn't like the book, they'd put "No one!" without really putting much thought into why the book did or did not appeal to them personally or who else it might appeal to.

With that in mind, I'll tell you who I would not recommend The March of The Penguins to. People, like the ones I discussed here, who are trying, unsuccessfully, to have a child, or those that have lost one. Because there is some loss in this movie. It turns out that the penguin life is a pretty tough one. And, I guess it depends on your outlook; Maybe it could be uplifting for people to see that nature is harsh, and many of God's creatures have difficulties getting and keeping little ones. But, on the other hand, if you're just trying to go out to a fun movie and you think it'll be cute just to see the baby penguins, and you're not expecting anything that'll make you cry, I just thought I should warn you that it might.

The other thing is whether or not you should bring the kiddies. Hopefully, as a parent or caregiver or whatnot, you've got a good sense of whether or not your kid is up for it. Here are some things to keep in mind though: If your kid is going to be happier running up and down the aisle, take him or her to the playground, not the movies. I know, I know, I'm the one who went to a Rated G movie, I have to expect there to be kids around, but parents still have some responsibility to keep their kids in check. Also, think about whether or not your kid could really sit down for an hour long nature show on PBS or Animal Planet or whatever. Because, cute baby penguins not withstanding, it's still a nature show. And, as you may or may not have already noticed, sometimes sad or scary things happen in nature. If you need more proof that this might be a potentially traumatizing movie, read this review by a mother of a 6 year old.

That said, I loved the movie. Loved it. I'm giving up on the dog, I want a penguin now.

Ok, now let's talk about The 40 Year Old Virgin, which I did not see this weekend. A few weeks ago, when I first saw ads for this movie, I thought I'd really want to see it. But, unfortunately, it happens sometimes that when I seen a lot of commercials for a movie, I feel like I've pretty much already seen the whole movie, so why would I want to go to the theater and pay to see it again? So, I didn't go see that, and unless some of you comment that it kicked ass, I probably won't see it until it comes out on DVD.

But, I will say this. The other day, my local news channel had this guy on TV, and he was a real live 40 year old virgin. Yup. For real. By choice, at least according to him. And he wasn't bad looking, so that could be true. Although, it could also be true that he tried it once or twice and couldn't, you know, get it going, so therefore he ended up staying a virgin. Who knows. And, truthfully, if you're holding out for marriage, fine, but... um... usually those people get married pretty young, don't they? I mean, 40? And what woman is going to want that responsibility? And now that he's "famous" and made the morning news circuit? If a woman did date him, when she introduces him to her friends they'll all say, "Hey, I know you, aren't you that 40 year old virgin?" That wouldn't be fun either.

And then the news lady asked him, "Well, aren't you worried that when the time comes you won't know how to, since, you know, you haven't practiced?" And he said, "I can't please to wait a woman. I mean, I can't wait to please a woman." Yeah, you want to talk about a little overeager? This guy can't even get the words out of his mouth. And, now I'll move on from this subject, just in case someday my mother finds my blog.

But the other thing was that they played a bunch of clips from the movie on the morning news, so, like I said, I felt like maybe I had seen all of the funny parts. If you saw it, though, and want to try to convince me otherwise, go ahead.

Oh, and because I went to see two movies this weekend, guess what I got to see two times! The trailer for Tim Burton's Corpse Bride. Yes, I knew the words the second time around. So, I've added that and Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire to my "Looking Forward To" list on the right side.

Oh, and I also caught an episode of Weeds this weekend too, and that was pretty funny, so I think it's season-pass-worthy. Check that out if you have Showtime.

Overall, though, it was good weekend. It was a good stay-at-home-and-get-things-done kind of weekend, and you need those sometimes. Of course, I would have accomplished more if I didn't take the time to try to rewrite this post, but it's almost done now.

So how was everyone else's weekend?


  1. March of the Penguins was great. Turns out I had to go to the theater after all.

  2. I cried during "March of the Penguins," too.

    And, yes, that was Colby from Survivor in "Red Eye." I thought it was him, and so I stayed for the closing credits which listed one "Colby Donaldson."

  3. How did the tv station even find the 40 year old virgin? Is he just well-known on the party circuit? Did they put out an ad "Seeking: 1 40-year-old virgin who wants to be on tv"? I'm intrigued.

  4. i wouldn't waste your money on 40yo Virgin in the theater. the characters are pretty good, and it's pretty funny, but it's nothing amazing.

  5. E. McPan - I was wondering that too! I mean, did he send letters to every news station in the country saying, "If you want a real 40 year old virgin, just pay my expenses?" Or, maybe someone at the show knew him and knew he was a virgin and asked him to come on?

    Oh, and I think they said that he does some motivational speaking on abstinence, so maybe that's how his name got out there?

  6. The 40 year old virgin, Steve Carell, is one of the funniest guys on TV on that show 'The Office'. I highly recommend catching it.