Beauty & The Geek - Episode 5

Hey, wait... wasn't my Episode 4 recap just... like... yesterday? Yeah, but this one is sooo good... And there is just so much to say...

(Last week on Beauty and the Geek - as if you're completely incapable of scrolling down two inches.)

Now, three teams remain - Richard and Mindi, Chuck and Caitilin, and Shawn and Scarlet. Upstairs, Chuck, Caitilin, and Scarlet are sitting around saying "I hope Richard is gone," when Richard and Mindi return to say, yet again, "We're back!"

Richard mentions that he'd like to steal Scarlet away from Chuck and win the money... um, good luck with that. So, Richard begins by referring to Scarlet as "mi amor" and pulling her aside to whisper "Did you hear what Chuck said to me?"

Chuck and Scarlet are seen canoodling in the hot tub. Chuck mentions in a voice over that he doesn't want it to end, because he wants to spend more time with Scarlet. Scarlet mentions that she likes Chuck because "it's different." I don't know that this necessarily bodes well for a blooming romance.

Time to find out the next challenge... teams will be working together to win a joint challenge. That means that the one team that wins will be safe, and the two teams that don't win will go to the elimination room. The teams aren't given too much information about the challenge, but they find backpacks in their rooms and figure out that they'll be camping.

Scarlet asks Shawn, "Have you ever been backpacking?"
Shawn responds, "I'm a boyscout!"
So, it's starting to look like maybe Shawn and Scarlet could finally win a challenge.

The teams have just a few minutes to pack, and the discussions are pretty interesting. Heels? Hair product? What exactly are the necessities for a camping trip? Meanwhile, the other teams also realize that Shawn has an advantage as an Eagle Scout. And Shawn creates a little pressure of his own buy talking trash. "You're going to crash and burn," he tells Chuck.

So, the teams are aboard an RV, where they find books on camping and fishing. A note explains that their challenge will involve following markers through the woods to a pond, where they'll have to... and I quote... "catch a fish," then they'll race to the campsite where they have to set up their tents, and finally, gather wood to start a fire - the first team to toast a marshmallow wins.

Wow, this sounds like a really interesting challenge! Unlikely to involve bikinis, but fun. Hell, these teams could be sitting around all day on the lake, trying to catch their fish. And, if you've ever tried to set up a tent, you know what a challenge that could be. It sounds like this will really be an endurance, team-building kind of challenge. I'm looking forward to it.

And, here, I have to comment on Shawn's hair. It looked pretty cute in the last episode when they highlighted it. And when you highlight hair, you don't put color on the whole head (because then it wouldn't be highlights), you just put it on selected spots on the head. Well, I don't know if it's because Shawn hasn't bothered to keep up the style, or what... but now that his hair is all flat down on his head, he looks really bizarre. Like a spotted bird of some type.

Ok, back to the challenge. The RV pulls up at the... I don't know... park?... where they're going to do this challenge, and all of the teams jump out and take off running.

Whoa, speaking of bad hair, what the heck is on Mindi's head? She looks like Daisy Head Mayzie. Nah, that'd be a compliment. I've got a better one. I never read the book (and this is about to be abundantly obvious), but if I had to draw the cover for the book "The Fountainhead," I'd draw Mindi's head as it looks right now. Wow, I guess no one bothered to do their hair because they're going camping? Or are the geeks rubbing off on her? No one knows.

So, the teams have to run up a hill to the pond (are ponds usually at the tops of hills? I would think ponds are at the bottoms of hills...). Richard carries Mindi's pack, because she has a stomach ache. That's kind of sweet. See, it seems like he can turn off the annoying whining act sometimes, right?

Meanwhile, Shawn has to stop because he doesn't feel good, and actually has to be seen by the medics. And, as Scarlet so eloquently puts it, "He couldn't catch his bref." And he actually pukes, right there on the side of the trail. Did they give them bad food for breakfast or what?

Packless, Mindi falls a little bit, but amazingly, Richard refrains from whining.

And now the first team, Chuck and Caitilin, are arriving at the lake. Here comes the amazing part. Now, I notice that no one appears to be carrying fishing rods, so I assume they'll be at the lake waiting for them. (Although, I think it'd be better if they had to carry everything they would need.) Chuck and Caitilin run down to the lake, grab their poles, and "started hauling the fish in."

Holy Mackeral! They both caught really nice sized fish almost instantly upon arriving at the lake! I've never seen anything like it! Wow, and I thought they'd be sitting around the lake bonding all day. I wonder what kind of bait they used, because that was amazing!!!

Now, they just need to pull their fish off the lines, and they can move on to the next part of the challenge. Now, Richard and Mindi are arriving at the lake. And they're having what I imagine to be pretty normal first-time-fisher problems. "How do you do the reel?" "You have to unlock it." "Wait, is yours all tangled..." "Where's the handle?" Ok, this is starting to sound more like the fishing I know.

Scarlet has arrived at the lake without Shawn. So much for teamwork. As Richard and Mindi try to get their poles straightened out, Scarlet runs back to Shawn. "Shawn!" In an interview, she says "I was not allowed to get both fish. My partner has to get the other fish," as if explaining why she had to run back to get Shawn. "Wow," I think, "pretty presumptuous of you, isn't it, Scarlet? Now, not only are you going to catch one fish, you're going to catch two? Before Shawn even gets there?"

AND THAT'S WHEN IT HAPPENS. IT IS UNBELIEVABLE. Shawn arrives at the lake, immediately starts pulling in a fish, and says, in a voiceover, "We had to reel in a fish that was already attached to the line." WHAT WAS THAT? THANK GOD FOR TIVO, LET'S REWIND. "Already attached to the line." NO WAY. ONE MORE TIME. "Already attached to the line."

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THAT IS NOT FISHING! IN FISHING, THE FISH ARE FREE! THEY ARE SWIMMING ABOUT! AND YOUR GOAL IS TO GET ONE ONTO YOUR LINE AND THEN PULL IT IN! THIS IS NOT A FISHING CONTEST - THIS IS A REELING CONTEST! Forget it, I give up. This show is too ridiculous. No. You cannot stop me. I have given up on this show. Sorry, there will be no more recap, I'm just turning it off.

Ok, fine, I'll continue. Only because I saw on the preview that Chuck would somehow try to put Richard in his place and I want to see that. Not because I endorse this ridiculous non-fishing version of fishing, which is just a waste of my time.

And, further, how frickin' ridiculous is it that Richard and Mindi still haven't "caught" their fish, when all they had to do was pull the line in??? Or, as they put it, "pull the cord." Finally, they catch on to that, and just give up on the reel and pull the line in.

Now, all the teams are at the campsite, putting their tents up. Chuck and Caitilin had arrived first and are making great progress on getting their tent up. But, at this point, who cares? Instead, the boyfriend and I sit there and imagine the voiceovers that we're not hearing:

"Well, the tent was already laid out for us, we just had to..."
"No wait! I've got a better one. The tents were already put up for us, we just had to stake them into the ground!"
And so on and so forth.

Whatever, what you need to know is that Chuck and Caitilin get their tent up first (if it wasn't put up for them already), and Shawn and Scarlet are just a moment behind, but they can't get the rainfly on the tent.

The next part of the challenge is to build a fire and toast a marshmallow. ("The fire was already built..." "No, how about 'The marshmallows were already pre-toasted?'") Chuck is working on the fire.... And honestly, it looks like a firering is already built with some sticks in a tee-pee shape, and it's just a matter of getting a few small sticks to start the fire.

Chuck and Caitilin win. And Scarlet is pissed! Obviously, this is entirely Shawn's fault for getting sick. And the nerve of him, to get sick when he said he was boyscout and could win this one! As Scarlet says, "It's just very fustrating." Scarlet declares that she will not share a tent with Shawn and will sleep outside if she has to. I'm looking forward to that.

Hey, wait, here's a Beauty and the Geek commercial. Ready? "Next Wednesday: the dramatic season finale of Beauty and the Geek. But it doesn't end there. The following week, find out what really happened between Chuck and Richard and Scarlet. Beauty and the Geek: The Aftermath, July 13th." And, um, I'm not going to give anything away her yete, but if you watch this commercial, when they show the clips for the finale, they show you what teams are in the finale. But, no big surprise there, I guess. Especially if you've been following my recaps. Ok, back to the show, where Scarlet is throwing her little tantrum.

At the campsite, Scarlet is pulling each remaining player aside and talking smack about Shawn - how he should have done more, not gotten sick, won the challenge. "I could've done this shit all by myself," she says. She's just "fustrated." Caitilin says that Scarlet is being too mean, and I agree. As Caitilin put it, "Scarlet hasn't won a challenge yet. And he's never once acted mean to her or acted disappointed. I just don't think it was very nice." Right on. Pretty girls, quit being bitches.

Oh, and somehow, around the campfire, Chuck and Shawn share a kiss on the lips. Don't know how that happened. There was some other kissing going around, and there was some joke that Chuck would have to kiss someone, so he kissed Shawn. I don't know.

Now, Richard really starts to act bizarre. He's shouting, he's bored, he's walking around driving everyone crazy. See? They're bored! This is why they should've spent longer fishing! And then they'd be more tired and appreciative of their experience. And, another thing... where did this cooler full of food come from? I didn't see any of them carrying a cooler in!

So, Richard starts getting on everyone's nerves. Richard keeps playing with the fire, which annoys Chuck. Caitilin sides with Richard, though, and says "Why can't you just let him?" I don't know, I'm kind of torn. I can see how he'd drive everyone crazy. But I can see how it's probably just be better to let him be. Now, sitting around the fire, Chuck suggests to Richard that maybe Richard has ADD and has a problem recognizing social cues. Everyone tells Chuck that this is mean, but Chuck stands by his diagnoses. I agree, I think Chuck might be right, he might be wrong - or, most likely, he might be right but just going about things in the wrong way.

Finally, Scarlet pulls Shawn aside to tell him how she feels - that he gave up too easily and didn't try. "I tried. I could've decided to go to the emergency room, but I didn't, I got up." Man, maybe we didn't see the whole thing to know whether he was possibly faking it, but she seems to be pretty harsh if he really was sick.

The next morning, they all pack up and return to the mansion. The teams facing elimination focus their energies on studying. Scarlet is still being a bitch, telling Shawn to look over the stuff. "Because you said you knew everything yesterday, and obviously you didn't." Wait a minute, so puking and being sick means you don't know things? Oh, ok, good to know, bitch.

Here's an interesting part. Mindi gets stuck in the bathroom. She's inside, telling Richard how to open the bathroom door. He's turning the knob, he's pulling and pushing, he can't get the door open. He decides to check out the windows, so he goes out his window and walks over to the bathroom window, knocking on it and telling Mindi she'll have to come out through the window. While Richard is outside, Chuck, his archenemy, comes by and just opens the door. Ha! Mindi comes out in her bath towel (this is probably why she didn't want to come out the window), and Richard shouts about how humiliated he is that he failed her.

Now Mindi is out in the hottub, getting a footrub from Chuck. Once again, not something Richard likes. When Mindi comes back in the house, Richard gets accusatory about the foot massage, "You got a foot massage from the enemy!" When Mindi confronts him about needing to know "when too much is too much," Richard explains that he has compulsion to perform. Yes, he sure does.

After more studying, it's time for the teams to head to the elimination room. Chuck stops by to talk to Richard in what seems to be an almost-apology.

"The more I sort of get to know you, the more I think, you know, early 20s is an awkward time."
"Early 20s? Oh. Oh. Oh."
"You know what I mean?"
"Yeah, I know what you mean."
"I think you're really going to come into your own."
"Well, I appreciate that Chuck. And you're... uh... only 27."

Chuck also stops by and gives Shawn a big hug before he heads to the elimination room. A long hug. Kind of too long. Especially give the kiss the night before. He also gives Scarlet a hug.

Chuck in a voiceover: "I knew that if anyone were around, I wouldn't get a goodbye kiss from Scarlet. Even so, the goodbye still felt a little cold."
Scarlet in a voiceover: "It's more about the game now than the relationship. I just don't want to hurt myself, I don't want to hurt him."
Translation: I'm over him, he bored me with his Quaker talk, and now that we're playing head-to-head, there's really no reason for me to keep this thing going on with him.

In the elimination room, the women answer questions first. Mindi, with a previously perfect record in the elimination room, maintains her record and gets all of her answers right. But, once again, I feel like the Richard/Mindi combo got the easier questions. Here's a sample.

Mindi's Question: What do you call it when you hang your food in a bag suspended from a tree so that bears can't get to it?
Mindi's Answer: Um, a bear bag?
Host Guy: That is correct.

Wow, how in the world did she get that one? A bag to keep out bears? Man, I don't know what my guess would have been. Maybe I would've guessed something like "a food storage contraption bag." Maybe that would have also been an acceptable answer? By comparison, we have this:

Scarlet's Question: What blows up the mountain by day and down the mountain by night?
Wait a minute, something blew up the mountain? I didn't even notice that. You'd think it'd be obvious if the mountain blew up! I can't guess this one. I guess I'd go with some kind of explosive that could blow up a mountain. Maybe TNT?
Scarlet's Answer: Uh, a fire?
Host Guy: That is incorrect. The answer is "the wind."
Yeah, dumbass, but the wind would make fire blow in the same direction too, so she's probably also right. At least she didn't think it had something to do with blowing up the mountain, like I did.

Do you really think these questions are fair? But, then again, I don't really feel that bad for Scarlet - I mean, she's so infalliable and it's only Shawn's fault if they don't win, right? I mean, she confuses hyperventilation with hypothermia - maybe she should've paid more attention when the medics were working on Shawn.

Shawn's turn, and he can't name some totally obscure fevers caused by ticks (and meanwhile, Scarlet is in the viewing room saying, "Think Shawn, we can do this, I know we can." Where the heck is she getting "we" from all the sudden?). But then, Richard doesn't know how many leaves are on poison ivy. (C'mon, everyone has heard of "Leaves of three, leave it be.")

Shawn's final question is "What is the most popular game fish in North America?" Shawn guesses bass but the answer trout. Big frickin' difference. Oh well. Shawn and Scarlet are eliminated and Richard and Mindi make it to the finals (which we already knew from the commercial for the finale, which showed Richard playing the piano.)

Stay tuned for next week's dramatic conclusion, where Chuck and Richard, archenemies, will face off. And from the commercial it appears that the final elimination is, once again, a series of questions. Shouldn't it be something more dramatic for a final elimination? Well, tune in and we shall see...


  1. When Richard said to Chuck, "Um, yeah, you're 27?" I laughed my ass off. What would the show be without the Richard v. Chuck tension? Richard is annoying as hell, but somehow Chuck seems to think of himself as a super cool, slick guy. As a friend of mine would say, he's "the tallest midget."

    and woohoo for men searching for girls who like the Red Sox.


  2. First usual, BJ has completed another excellent recap of the show.


    I would like to know where this lake with the fish already on the line can be found. Because as an avid and shitty fisherman, I have spent many a fishing trip coming home fishless (or with only a fantastic tan!) It sucks.

    Anyhow, I just want to say it. Yes, the Richard drama makes for a good show but good night people! The little guy just drives be bannanas(sp?), banannas(sp?), bannannas(sp?) know, the little guys just drives me crazy!

  3. Your recaps are worthy of TWOP! I just watched the marathon yesterday. Chuck is a jerk. Go crazy Richard!

  4. i honestly think these recaps are better than the show itself. because we don't get the sucky parts, and if you do talk about them, you just make fun of them.

  5. I was worried you really were going to turn it off and stop recapping in the middle! Like Monica said - reading this is much more fun than watching the show.

  6. Wow, this was a spectacular recap. I've been recapping the show myself and been begging my favorite writer (Bill Simmons of ESPN Page 2) to watch and write about the show. Unfortunately he hasn't. Sadly, my dad decided to "lock up the TV for a week" (though that didn't stop him from watching his nightly 2-hour PBS documentaries--reason #4113 why I'm glad I'm moving out in a month and a half) and I missed Episode 5. I was looking for a good recap and found this. Very well done.

  7. I just read the rest of your recaps. They were all excellent. I agreed with just about everything and laughed out loud on more than one occasion (especially the part about the creepiness of a guy coming into a clothing store, staring at your chest, stating that his girlfriend was about your size, and asking what your size was--hilarious). Anyway, I only disagree with a few of things. First, I'm horrified at your suggestion that Krystal might have been a man. Uh, no. It's just my opinion, but as a guy, I had Krystal as the second hottest girl on the entire show, behind only the smoking hot Scarlet who was miles ahead of everyone. I'd rank it Caitilin, Lauren, Erika, Mindi, Cheryl after that. Also, I disagree with your analysis of Chuck's strategy for the phone number challenge. I thought it was brilliant. Seriously, who cares if he had to lie to get their phone numbers? It wasn't like he was going to call any of these girls later--particularly since he still believed that he had a shot with Scarlet. Yeah, maybe the "I'm going to be a doctor, can I call you sometime?" approach would work too, but you can't argue with the results. He couldn't have possibly come off as less threatening to these girls AND he had something to offer them (his bogus project) and that's why they were handing their phone number over right and left. However, you are right that this was the point that Chuck abandonced the "this experience is more than about winning or the money, I think I'll vote off my friend Brad and leave my nemesis Richard because I think he'll benefit more from the experience" logic and started playing to win. Just a brilliant winning strategy, though I think Bill got hosed with only a 1 phone number "advantage." What a joke. I think they should have only allowed Bill to go out made over while the other guys had to go back to their geeky looks or give him a 10 minute head start or at least given him a 4 number advantage. Oh well. Finally, you complained that the questions were "unfair" to certain teams. While I agree that it was ridiculous that they said Bill was wrong when he said the guy should pay on a date (that's what I said when I watched the show--I'm not letting the girl pay under any circumstances unless it's a blind date or she asked me and I had a TERRIBLE time and even then I would still pay for my half). I didn't realize it was a dating faux pas to offer to pay for the girl even if she asked you out. Unbeliavable. However, I didn't think the "bear bag" and "wind blowing up and down the mountain" questions were unfair and here's why: part of the show's brilliance is how they handle the elimination process. Only the team(s) that win the immunity challenges get to pick who goes to the elimination room and this reduces the possibility of alliances, though we did see one where Scarlet brilliantly used Chuck to keep her in the game as long as possible. Also, two teams go in for the elimination round so you always have a chance even if you get sent in there because you can answer more questions correctly than the other team. This way, no one can say that the reason they lost was politics, popularity, or alliances like it often is in "Survivor," particularly when the strongest contestant gets voted off. That's my #1 complaint about "Survivor," by the way. Finally, to address your comments about "unfair" questions, the producers expertly solved that problem as well. In order to reduce the appearance that one team is getting easier or harder questions than another, they simply have the cards labeled 1-6 and have each contestent choose a question without knowing what it is. Problem solved. Sure, some of the questions are harder than others, but you can't blame anyone because you were the one who picked them.

    Anyway, I'm looking forward to your recap of the season finale. I'm glad Chuck and Caitilin won since they dominated the entire competition, winning all but one immunity challenge from week 2 on. Like Tom on "Survivor," they deserved to win. I'd better stop now since my post is threatening to be longer than your recap.

  8. I thought her answers came a little too easily given that she didn't demonstrate a great deal of mathematical genius in the challenge of the day. So, I was already thinking it was a fix when the whole "guy's don't pay for the first meal" thing came up."After watching Scarlet Garcia vent her frustrations all over partner Shawn Bakken on last week's 'Beauty and the Geek,' we were slightly scared to get them on the phone together for a post-elimination interview."