What Do Blonde Justice and Saddam Hussein Have In Common?

No, there is no punch line. I'm just going to tell you.

Saddam likes Doritos. I like Doritos, and prefer Cool Ranch. (Although, I heard Saddam actually sprinkles his with water to make them soggy. This sounds disgusting to me.)

Saddam likes Raisin Bran but doesn't like Froot Loops. I, too, like Raisin Bran and don't care for Froot Loops. And, Saddam, may I suggest Cap'n Crunch and Cinnamon Life? Seeing as how we have similar taste in cereal, you may also enjoy these favorites of mine.

Saddam is a "germophobe" and a "neat freak." I, too, sometimes straighten things up, if friends are coming to visit.

Saddam expresses a longing for the days when Ronald Reagan was still president. Me too. Because I was less than 10 years old, and the living was easy. I didn't pay rent, I didn't have to go to work, my mom made cookies for me... oh wait, where was I? Oh yeah, Saddam...

Saddam says that he never had an association with Osama bin Laden. I, too, deny ever having any association with Osama whatsoever.

Saddam says "The Bush father, son, no good." I've been saying that for years! I was practically born saying that!

Saddam says that Bush will never find weapons of mass destruction. I've been saying this for years too! Wow!

And, finally, Saddam offers this advice to young soldiers, on looking for a wife...

You gotta find a good woman. Not too smart, not too dumb. Not too old, not too young. In the middle. One that can cook and clean. Then you thank her, and you go... And Hussein smiled and made the gesture of bending a woman over and spanking her, as if to say, 'This is how you keep her in line,'


I agree that you've got to find a good woman. That's easy enough. "Not too smart, not too dumb?" Well, I take this to mean "Not too smart for you, Not too dumb for you." I mean, if a woman is too smart or too dumb for you, than you won't be able to hold a conversation and you'll lose interest. Likewise with "Not too old, not too young." If someone is too old or too young for you, well, then, it wouldn't work out, right? "One that can cook and clean?" I guess that can't hurt, but it shouldn't be a deal breaker. It might come in handy someday. But then again, it might come in handy if you could... I don't know... juggle... and I don't see that making this list. And the whole spanking thing? Well, I guess if she's into that.

2 comments:

  1. LOVE this list!

    I never realized I had so many things in common with him, either! (And Cool Ranch Doritos rule, but they make your breath stank awful. I used to snack on them in Admin Law and then breathe on the face of my best friend. I'm mean that way.)

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  2. Yeah, in the meantime, I've become afraid that this may get me put on some Patriot Act list. I'll never be able to fly again.

    Am I paranoid or what?

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