To Tell The Truth

Fitz-Hume of BTQ has this great post about people who feel a need to exaggerate or lie for the purpose of... I don't know, lame loud storytelling.

And you see it all the time. You'll be on a train and you'll hear someone saying -no, shouting - something like, "I was like, this martini is not worth $50, I don't care if Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck were sitting at the next table." Or "You should totally stop by my beach house this summer. The Hilfigers live next door, and they're a little too loud, but it's ok, we'll have fun."

But in the spirit of E.Spat, who so generously shared her bad date stories for our amusement, I will tell one bad date story about a time I went out with one of these types.

(I know that the boyfriend isn't going to like reading the "prior date" topic, but, a) it was a long time ago and far away and b) he could always just skip this post.) Ok, here goes:

First, I want to say that I don't think it was really a "date." It was more like just having a beer with a friend of a friend, but, for the sake of making it "a bad date story" let's say it was. It was my senior year of college, and, to this day, I can't figure out what the mutual friend thought our commonality would be.

So, we're talking, I mention that I'm a senior in college, and he asks what my plans are for after graduation. I tell him that I'm going to law school.

"Really?" he says.
"Yup."
"Where are you going?"
And, like any good law school applicant can, I rattle off the list of places I've heard from, places I haven't heard from, places I hope I can get into, and places I'm pretty sure I'll get into.
"Oh, well, I don't know if I can guarantee anything, but my brother is the Dean of Admission at a law school. I think it's a good school, he could probably get you in."
"Really?" (Oh, I'm so sure the Dean of Admissions at every law school has admitted a few of the old "my brother went out on a date with her, I had to admit her" applicants.) But okay, I'll play along. "What law school?"

"Uh... um..."

Wait for it... wait for it...

"Um... Brown" he responds.

Now, I don't know what kind of pre-law student you were. But, whether you were the kind of pre-law student who could recite the U.S. News list of schools from memory, or the kind who only knew the schools in your region that might admit kids with your G.P.A., you can say it with me...

"BULLSHIT! Brown doesn't even have a law school!"

But I wasn't letting him off that easy.

"Brown? Wow, that's a great school. Do you really think he could help me get in?"
"Sure he could. I would just have to tell him your name, he'd totally he do it."
"Wow, did he go to law school too? I think a lot of those Deans are lawyers too."
"Yeah, sure, he's a lawyer too."
"Really? Where did he go to law school?"
"Oh, he went to Brown too."

Time to try to take it one step further.

"I don't know. Brown is a good school and all, but they say Harvard is the best law school. I'd really like to go Harvard, but I could never get in there."

Does he go for it? Sure does! "Oh, my brother is like best friends with the Dean of Admissions at Harvard too. I'm sure he could talk to him for you too, mention your name..."

I never saw him again, for this and other reasons. (Pathological liars aren't my thing.) But sometimes I still wonder how long he would've tried to keep the lie going. Like that episode of King of Queens, when Arthur tells Doug's friends that he can fix parking tickets, and then they all think he's so cool, but he doesn't really have such a friend so he's just paying their parking tickets, but he wants them to think he's cool, so he keeps paying them, and meanwhile the guys are parking where ever they want because they think Arthur is fixing their tickets.

If a relationship were to progress, how far would he have gone to keep the lie alive? What could he have done? Faked an acceptance letter to me from Harvard? I would've shown up for orientation and they would've said "Who the hell are you?" I would've shown them my acceptance letter, and they would've laughed in my face!

5 comments:

  1. Exaggerating is one thing, but just making stuff up? And not just something random he thought would impress you, but something you actually know a lot about? That guy must have thought you were really hot.

    You should have kept calling him and leaving messages -- "I'm really excited about going to Brown Law! You're still going to get me in, right?"

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  2. Yeah, and I live in the Hamptons with my solarium and my two horses: Snoopy and Prickly Pete.

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  3. "I still wonder how long he would've tried to keep the lie going."

    Until he got you into bed or moved on to someone easier.

    Back when I was in college, I knew a few guys like that. It would never have occurred to me to lie to a woman that way, but they did it all the time. What really amazed me is how often it worked for them...

    ...unless they were lying about that too...

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  4. Tee-hee. That's a little, er, close to home. See, I used to live half a mile away from Brown. While I was trying to decide which law school to go to. I kept trying to use the force of my will to cause Brown to have a law school, and it kept not appearing, so I ended up at BU. I loved BU, but it would have been so nice to be able to walk to school.

    When will they learn? If you're going to BS to impress a girl, it needs to be about something you know more about than she does. This is occasion for much gigglage.

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  5. What about those who lend credence to all the bad lawyer jokes....I recently dated a guy at my law school for 6 months - during which time he completely lied to me about where he and his parents lived even though his actual address was posted on our school's directory, and his cell phone number matched that address. We are talking 300 miles between fake home and real home. Why he lied, i have no clue. Guess I know that he was not planning on taking me home to meet the fam. One more year and his moral veracity will be unleashed on corporate america. God help us.

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