When I was a kid, I thought that when I met God my questions for Him would mostly revolve around people and animals that died. Such as, "Why did you take my dog from me?" and "Why did you take my grandfather from me?" Pretty selfish, I know.

A few years ago, I thought that when I met God, I'd want to know about war and terrorism and people killing one another. And why He allows it. But, really, upon further review, I think that's probably out of God's hands. I think He set us on the right track, and when people go off that track and kill one another, God's probably not happy with it, but He's not really intervening or causing it either.

Now, when I meet God, I really only want to ask, "Why could some women have babies and others couldn't? Did you have a plan? Because I can't figure out how you thought it was a good one."

One friend of mine has been trying very hard to have a baby for a few years now. She's just the kind of person who would be a perfect mom. She's smart and sweet and caring, she's got a good husband and a good marriage. She does everything right. If there's a news story that says women need more of this vitamin or less of that mineral to get pregnant or have a good pregnancy or to have a healthy baby, she does it. It's just not working.

Other women that I know have recently had miscarriages and another woman's baby died just a few days after birth.

Meanwhile, all around us, there are women having babies who don't want them. I see it all the time. Women accused of crimes who get pregnant. Women who will deliver their babies in jail. Women who don't know who the father is. Women in violent relationships. Women with health problems that make them unable to care for a child. Women who leave their baby in a dumpster.

I'm not saying that some women deserve to get pregnant and others don't. I don't think that's for me to judge. I'm just saying that it doesn't really seem fair.

This isn't a biological or social or political debate question, although I know all of those things play into it. It's just something I've been thinking about a lot. If God has a plan, I'd like to know what it is.

I've left the comments open on this post, even though I wasn't sure I should. I know this could be a controversial topic, but I'm really not open to a debate right now. Sorry, I'm just not. It's my blog and I'll debate if I want to. Please, sensitive comments only. Thank you.


  1. I like to think, in cases like that, there is absolutely a plan. The best families are saved for the kids that no one else wants. The women who can't care for their children; women dealing with issues of violence, addiction, and health - I think our Higher Power is looking out for those kids, and reserves the best of the best for them.

  2. Hey, wanna hear a funny story.
    My aunt, who is also a lawyer, couldn't get pregnant for the longest time. They tried everything you could think of to get pregnant to no avail. They gave up and went on vacation and she got knocked up in the Bahamas. After my godson Patrick was born they were fortunate enough to have another son James. Then within a year, by accident, they had another son Brendan. She didn't think it was possible for her to be pregnant at that point and they weren't using any protection.
    So basically, a woman who didn't think she was going to have any kids is now overwhlemed with three and they are awesome. =)

  3. How many days could I hold out your posts?

  4. I'm sure that God does have a plan, but I know that with a human brain I cannot even begin to reason His plan or why. I have the same questions and more. Sometimes I cannot make sense of things and why they happen, but then sometimes I have a little hint when looking back at an event (if a personal event, per se') of something good that might have come from it. I guess my lame answer would be... how can we rationalize God and why's with the limitations of a human brain?

  5. My in-laws first child died just after birth. Then they had one girl who lived (and still is). Then a couple more miscarriages and another who didn't make it a day. They gave up trying to have more of their own. My mil had her tubes tied and about 1/3 of her uterus removed. They turned to adoption. They had almost completed the adoption of a little boy when they found out that somehow, she was pregnant. And that was how my wife came into this world. We were fortunately spared any difficulty or heartache and have two great kids of our own. Who really knows how this works. Not me. You just have to learn to accept it as the life we are given.

  6. I had a miscarriage when I was 19 or so. I then had a daughter who died within a day of her birth. Both of those were outside of marriage. I thought that it was God's way of saying.....do it right, get married THEN have kids.

    I got married. I've had 4 miscarraiges since. We've tried for literally YEARS to have kids. It's just not in the cards for us.

    I see where these children are having children and wonder how it is that they can have kids, get on welfare, usurp the system and blah blah blah....you know the story. Yet, here is my husband and myself. Two college educated people with good jobs and a home. Ready and willing to have kids.

    Life isn't fair. I don't care what people say, it still hurts and sucks all the same.

    Good post hon, have a great day.

  7. A lot of people have posted great comments and emailed me personally with great personal thoughts.

    It amazes me how many people go through this. And how they're willing to talk about it. It must be a very difficult thing to discuss.

    This also further persuades me of the amazing power of blogs and the internet. A person can be (somewhat) anonymous and yet share so much.

    Thank you everyone for your great thoughts. It's certainly given me more to reflect on. It sure is a crazy world we're living in.

  8. Maybe God has a plan, but that plan is to torture us for his amusement. I mean, "having a plan" doesn't mean it's a good one - Hitler "had a plan" to kill all the Jews; Kenneth Lay "had a plan" to bilk thousands of people out of their money; Osama Bin Laden "had a plan" to crash two planes into the WTC.

    Even if I still believed in God, I certainly couldn't believe in a benevolent one. Just look at the Tsunami - natural disasters are directly his province - as are your friend's biological functions. If God exists, He seems to be a real sadist.

  9. Very personal comments on here, and I know I'm chiming in late, but hey, I've been away to London and Paris so get off my back.

    I thought getting preggers would be so easy, like falling off the back of a truck, right? You spend so much of your life trying not to get preggers so you think you will right away. Well, husband and I have been giving it a go for about a year with no results. In a way, its good because we are so flighty about things with the moving and whatnot, but in another way it makes me so mad. I think I am going to start considering adoption very soon. I don't know if there is a plan. I don't even think it matters to me anymore. What I have been thinking is do I want a family or do I want my own biolgical offspring? Would I be willing to undergo fertility treatments, IVF, etc? If there is a plan, maybe its that our genetic material is not good for reproduction and maybe I should not be f-ing with it. Ah, who knows?

    That's my personal post for the day.

  10. I always thought heaven would be knowing the answers as soon as you asked the questions. Not "knowing all the answers" - you'd still have to ask. But things like, "what was he really thinking when he said that?", "why is she looking at me like that?" or even, "is there really a plan for everybody, or is this just random?"