Lately, I have had the misfortune of working on a case where my adversary is absolutely the epitome of a dirty slimy seriously-on-his-way-to-getting-himself-disbarred D.A. He lies to me, he lies to the court, he hides evidence, he calls me names on the record. It's disgusting.
I've considered filing an ethics complaint against him, but at this point, I don't want to make things worse for my client. And I haven't brought most of his indiscretions to the judge's attention, because I want to keep the focus on my case, not turn the trial into a name-calling circus.
Yesterday, though, I almost lost it when the D.A. put out his hand as if to shake hands. As I've mentioned before, I think that, in general, I have a decent relationship with most of my adversaries. I can respect the fact that they have a job to do. But I couldn't believe the nerve of this D.A., to put out his hand as if to say "good game," or "we're friends, this is just business."
When someone puts out their hand to you, though, you don't have a lot of time to consider it. But I took a second to deliberate whether or not I could get away with giving him the "stink palm," which I learned about in Mallrats but have yet to actually use. After only a moment's consideration, I decided I probably could not pull it off. Especially not in the courtroom. And, seriously, what was my other option? Could I say, "Wait right here," run to the bathroom, and then shake his hand? Nope, I decided, there was no getting away with it.
So, in the end (no pun intended), because I was raised to be polite, I shook his hand.
Of course, after he walked off, I quickly rushed to use my antibacterial gel. I may shake accused criminals' hands all day, but this guy is truly despicable.
Maybe I can get my revenge by volunteering him for 30 days in jail?