Girlfriends, Wives and Baby Mommas

In general, I like my clients. They're a nice bunch, pretty respectful, and they usually have a good sense of humor.

But you know who I can't stand? My clients' wives, girlfriends, and baby mommas. Often they're annoying because they're clueless about what's going on in their man's case.

My client will come to me and say "Yeah, I messed up. And the cops have this evidence or that evidence. How can I get out of this?" We'll talk about it, see if we can take the case to trial, or if we might win the case on some other grounds, or if we can work out some sort of plea that won't mess up their life too much. I'm patient and I'll spend as much time as needed talking to my client and going over the options to make sure they understand everything.

Then my client's girlfriend or wife (or sometimes both) will call me and say "I just want to know what's going on with his case." I have over 100 clients. I spend a lot of time with each client discussing "what's going on with his case." But if I'm going to do the same thing again with every client's girlfriend, wife, or baby momma, I'm just not going to have time left to be a lawyer and do lawyer things like go to court or write motions.

Other times the women are annoying because they're in denial that their man could ever do any wrong. It's far worse when the wife or girlfriend displays her utter denial of her man's activities, and tries to blame me. That one goes like this - client and I discuss all of his options ad infinitum and he decides he's going to plead guilty to possession of drug paraphernalia, for example. Girlfriend calls me later and says "You're making him cop out to paraphernalia? He didn't have no crack pipe. He don't even smoke." I have to bite back my tongue to keep from responding, "Interesting. Because the first thing he told me was that he wanted a drug program for his crack problem." But a lot of these women really seem to think that I put the crack pipe in their man's mouth.

Alright, I just had to vent for a minute there. Back to the funny stuff soon.


  1. Moms, don't forget moms. Even the guys who tell their girlfriend everything won't tell momma. And she ain't gonna believe he's at fault even if they do.

  2. Lest you think this isn't a universal trait of relatives of the primay players -- the same holds true of victims and their kin folk. The victim clealy understands and agrees with the plea offer, but momma, sis, big daddy, etc., doesn't and proceeds to tell the prosecutor in no uncertain terms how "Junior ain't gonna drop the charges." leaving the bemused APA wondering just when Junior authorized the warrant - she seems to remember her name on the thing.

    Oh, and we get the defendant's family, too. Such a deal.

    Mister DA